For my butter thief

and all the pets we love first

One of my aunts has always said that it’s those first pets,

the first ones we choose all by ourselves

the first ones who are there because we picked them

just for us

as solo adults

(at least at the start)

Who move with us from place to place

Who follow us when we leave a room

Who are most excited when we come home

and can’t wait to snuggle with us, the moment we sit down

They’re the ones

when their time comes

who will crush you so deeply

because they touched you first

Not to say you won’t love the ones that follow

but those first ones

that bond

it hits different

My melvin

my little nut job

who loved everything he shouldn’t, including

butter

chocolate

bread

queso

salty chips

and,

the most delicious of them all,

licking the occasional plastic bag

passed away quite suddenly last week

My boy, whom I intentionally gave an old man name to

only made it just shy of 12

He was diagnosed with some heart problems late last year, but

I thought they might be solvable

I thought we had more time

Hindsight is an absolute dickhead

And while I’ll spend time raking myself over the coals with guilt

over the potential could’ves

I also know I loved that cat with my full heart

(well shared with his older brother oscar, who is currently purring on my lap)

I loved that he chirped when you opened a certain cabinet

I loved that his nose changed color depending on his mood

and got the cutest shade of pink when he was excited

I loved that he played fetch like a dog

and that the sound of a paper clip made him come running

I loved that he had to sit right by me, at the table

for a game of cards or a lick of my breakfast plate

I loved that he would paw at my arm and roll on his back for attention when I’d been away

and that when I held him, he held me back

I loved that his white fur was soft like a bunny’s

I loved that at any hint of food, he came skidding around the corner

even if he was sleeping in a hamper

I loved that he purred loudly as soon as I met him,

and fell asleep in my arms on our first drive home

I loved that he laid with his whole girth on you,

like a top-down waterbed

and that he slept so deeply, he sometimes rolled off the chair

I loved that he was 50% chill, 50% spicy mofo

I loved that he had a personality so large,

that I see him everywhere

Even if it hurts

I wanted to give him a permanent spot here

for the treats he loved to sample so much

(without my permission)

Because he’d been there through it all

And while it sucks

so

so much

that we only get to have them for a moment

They’re a part of our building blocks

our comfort in the stressful times,

our joy in the happy ones

our constants

day in

day out

So these are his paw prints in the concrete

And forever on my heart

I love you always, my sweet, mischievous melvy boy